Earthquake Recovery Czar Gerry Brownlee has welcomed the announcement of the latest turning point for Canterbury, saying that it will be a welcome turning point for resilient Cantabrians who have become disorientated by regular pronouncements of turning points. Since the September 2010 quake, and the devastating February 2011 event, politicians have regularly claimed that anniversaries or media events would be a “turning point” for the city. The Share an Idea campaign, the launch of the CCDU Blueprint, the first and second anniversary of the February 22nd quakes have all been cited as turning points. Brownlee is insisting that this will be the final turning point announcement, and public health officials are beginning to observe serious side effects in the stressed-out population, including confusion, disorientation and cynicism, which have attributed to the use of the turning point phrase.

Brownlee has also announced the formation of a special unit within CERA to ascertain exactly which direction Canterbury is now facing. Experts from the University of Canterbury Geology department, as well as surveyors and an intern from Google, have been seconded to the new Departmental Entity for Re-alinging Progress (DERP). They are tasked with mapping out all of the turning points that Canterbury has undergone since 2010. Project leader Dr Rowana Tation says that the Canterbury turning point sequence “is unprecedented on a global scale”. If they are unhappy with the resulting direction, DERP has the power to issue a “step-change” warning. DERP has also announced plans to subject Cantabrians to a 72-hour marathon of Brownlee’s singing, to test the extent of their now-legendary resilience.